Helpless against Fate

The love songs lied. They say, “I would walk a thousand miles, I would swim across the ocean, all for you.” Here is the terrible truth: it is not so simple. Love stories don’t always have happy endings. What do the boy bands and pop princesses know? What do their dumb inane ‘omg lol’ fans know? Nothing. Nothing that matters, anyway.

The ocean seethes in turmoil, reflecting my emotions in its grey-green waters. Overhead the sky darkens, the scarlet sun swathed in shrouds of silent grey. The gulls wheel and dive, emitting their cries which pierce my heart. I stand solitary, still as a statue, as the wind wraps itself around me and whispers a tale of loneliness and sorrow. Suddenly a shaft of crimson light pierces the clouds and turns the water bloody. I am afraid.

I know where you are, across that vast expanse of waves which separates us. My heart aches for you, longing to see your smile, hear your music, touch your hands, feel your warmth pressed against mine. And the bitter knowledge that it is not to be is like a poisoned dart. I need you, but I am helpless. I can neither get you nor let you go. I hang in the void with only the wind.

As I watch, a black oil slick slowly spreads across the pristine waves, polluting them with its foul aura. The inky stain blots out the ripples and sparkles of the water below, deadening and stilling it. So, too, my heart is like the waves.

The tears threaten to wash away my fragile defenses. I know how you feel about me; you have already given me more than I dared hope, and for that I am fiercely happy. But I still feel empty, incomplete. I do not want to own you, nor do I want to belong to you. But I do want us to be part of each other, a symbiosis. Am I being selfish? Am I asking too much of fate? The answer lies hidden in the wind’s murmuring…

The pale ghost of the full moon peeks out above the horizon. Time rolls on like the ocean… will it someday break these barriers? Will you wait till then? Will I wait till then? I know not which way to choose, nor what lies ahead. I can only hope…